© Illustration by Chris MacDonald

“Okay so what the hell do you want to talk about you f*ck?”

So starts my interview with the completely politically correct and clean-mouthed, Mario Cantone. Most known for his iconic role as Anthony in “Sex & The City,” Mario is one of the funniest entertainers in the world, a Tony-Award nominated, and celebrated actor/comedian with a full resume of t.v., film and theatre credits. He and I met five years ago while working on the New Group’s off-Broadway premier of “Steve,” and I am very fortunate to continue to call him a dear friend. I wanted to talk about his career, reflect on important life moments, and hear his opinions on the industry. 

Let’s start with the heavy stuff. Our list of memories are plentiful, and mostly serendipitous and fun, like crashing a wedding and getting sh*tfaced on frozen Negronis.

“We were roofied!” 

Oh man, no question. But some of the sharpest moments that stick out center around loss, because that is how our friendship started. You and I connected over our mutual connection to the late, great, Taylor Negron. He was one of my father’s closest and oldest friends, and a dear friend of yours too. From that day on, you took me under your wing.

“Yes. I sure did.”

You have faced some devastating losses in the recent years. I will also never forget the somber November night of 2016 when Hillary lost the election and we were at the live taping of “The View” for your performance. Then not too much later, the completely devastating and unfair loss of your amazing sister Marion. These are some pillar moments I can think of, how have you found strength from such trying times? 

“I have been through a lot of death in my life. I lost my mother when I was twenty-one, my father when I was thirty-six, my aunt when I was twenty-three. She was my favorite–Aunt Josephine. And you just have to go to the wake, the funeral. You gotta do it, you have to show up. I certainly was very sad about any loss, but the older you get…not the easier it gets … but it’s expected. You just have to keep going forward.”

“Now if I lost my husband, I don’t know what I’d do. That would be… I better go first. I am not dealing with that. And you work to distract yourself from it. Well, you try to work at least. I am the laziest man in show business so I don’t work that much, but when you work, you shift into that mindset.”

“But yeah… loss sucks. You just have to deal with it.” 

I really admire your strength with it though, for how much you have dealt with. 

“Sometimes I think is it strength or just denial? You have to grow tough skin, and be a little apathetic.” 

You grew up with tough skin in your household no? 

“I would think so, my mother was completely, emotionally unavailable. She was not happy about the fact that I was gay so that was tough. So I had to deal with that, and I got bullied in school, you know, for being gay. And I was gay, gay!” 

Dancing and singing show tunes on your kitchen table right? 

“Oh yes! You know what is so funny, now that the ‘gay thing’ and ‘drag thing’ is so ‘in’ now, I watched some old stand up of mine on Youtube, and I thought ‘I don’t even come off that gay.’ Comparative to what is today. They used to call me a ‘flaming fag’ I even lost a gig on Johnny Carson because I was ‘too gay.’” 

Such a different time. 

Next question, I have been juggling a good deal with the dark mindset that can be ‘expectations.’ I wonder how, as a recognized persona, have you found ways to navigate your own hopes or aspirations in order to constantly fulfill the expectation of what people want from you? 

“I have always brought my own thing. Don’t forget I was doing mainstream comedy clubs back in the 80s and 90s and headlining Carolines. These were not gay clubs, they were commercial stand-up clubs and I was pretty much “out of the closet” publicly by the early 90s. I never lied about it, but they certainly should have known if I was doing impressions of Bette Davis.” 

Would you say your whole life you have been categorized? 

“Oh yeah, pigeon-holed. As good as your stand-up is, that is who you are.” 

And there is no reason over the course of your career you couldn’t play the mobster, or the “straight role.” 

“Well I did, when I did Robert Redford’s Quiz Show. It’s just one scene–a tough Italian Brooklyn guy–and I thought I would work forever from that. But once they know you are gay, you don’t get the work. If you were publicly out, you did sacrifice at least half to three-quarters of your work.” 

Even now, 2020, would you say you are still categorized? 

“Oh yeah, absolutely. You get the girls who love Sex & City and they expect Anthony, but I am giving you who I am.” 

What was something in life that took you a long time to learn? 

“Thank god I am not relevant, they come after the relevant. But I guess… I guess it took me a while to learn to not respond to the negative Facebook and Twitter comments. Learning to let that die on the vine. I used to read every single review I got– like examining your medical records– every little thing. It took me a while to not let myself get so affected by reviews and opinions. Jerry taught me how to not be a jealous person, especially about career stuff.”

(Jerry Dixon: actor, writer, director, artistic director of Village Theater, and Mario’s partner of 30 years.) 

I don’t think anybody except those who really know you, know just how much of a fascination you have for cinematic history. I find it completely amazing, your immense repertoire, rolodex, and encyclopedic mental capacity for the history of cinema, television and, of course, all things Disney. Have you always been like that?

“Yeah always. When I was a kid, seven years old, I used to take my tape recorder to the movie theatre and tape Snoopy Come Home and Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.” 

To watch it at home? 

“No! Audio tape, you couldn’t video it. I am old, it was my cassette player, press record and play.” 

Oh hahaha. But how do you do know so much? 

“Well it is my job.”

Not at seven years old.

“Look, I have worked with a lot of ‘kids’ in film and t.v., not actual kids, but younger actors, even some in their thirties and forties and they were not good with the history of Broadway or old movie stars. With these ‘kids’ it’s like walking around with an audience that you bomb with constantly. They don’t get any of the references. But shame on them for not knowing! They should know. This generation, your generation, they do not know their history. I think it is unbelievable. It’s the generation of a lot of narcissism, a lot of ‘me’ ‘me’ ‘me’ - Instagram, the social media. They all want to be famous.”

“You know Jane Fonda says ‘it’s better to be interested than be interesting’ and the fact that you don’t ask questions with people who are older than you, says something. There is no interest.” 

I would agree that it is this generation, but it is also this time we are living in. 

“Oh sure it’s this too.” 

Grabbing his phone.

“If I had come up in this time I might have been sucked up into this not knowing anything else, and that is not good.” 

Still gripping his phone. 

“I even know my history of gay pornstars, I know it all!” 

Moving on! What is your career highlight so far? Your one-man Broadway show “Laugh Whore”? 

“Yeah it was exhausting. It was definitely everything though. Great reviews, nominated for a Tony award, my opening night was at the Rainbow Room. It was an amazing thing.”

Is there a career goal you still hope to achieve? 

“I got one foot in the grave and one on the banana peel. I’m sixty! I would like to do some more movies. I would love a series, but do I want to be in burning and shaking COVID California? - no! I love animated movies. I have given up on the Oscar though. I have been nominated for a TONY and that’s enough - I’m good!” 

Do you get comfort knowing that you have entertained and made millions laugh over the years? 

“Yeah I do. You forget about it until you get an email saying stuff like ‘my mother is sick and you just made her laugh and helped her forget it for an hour. That’s the stuff that hits me. Even today I did a Cameo for a guy whose wife is going through cancer treatment and they were all laughing and crying tears of joy cause I really get into the videos.” 

So special, I am sure you get into them. We used to spend hours recording home auditions for you, and you always deliver. 

I am curious, in this day and age with so many celebrities and comedians getting exposed for wrongdoings, do you think it is going to have an effect on comedy? 

“Oh yeah, thank god I am not coming up today. The audiences were much smarter in the 70s and 80s. Now they will come after you for anything. I used to host the kid show called Steampipe Alley and we had a game called Find Sammy Davis’ Eye in The Pie where I was Sammy Davis and the kids had to find my eye in the pie. And someone posted the clip on Twitter recently and it was really funny and one guy said ‘look at you, so funny everything and the black face.’ I called him out immediately and said: ‘sir there was absolutely no black face! I did it in regular makeup with an eye patch. I had to clarify. You just have to be careful what you say.”

It seems people can get away with saying anything and there is no repercussions.

“Oh yeah you are guilty until proven innocent. That’s just the way it is now. Go back to the McMartin Trial. Yes there are many accusations that are true, but there are many that are not.”  

How do you think the industry will change post-Trump? So many people have made a living just off of his presidency.

“Oh I know I can’t wait to see what is going to happen. So many people did and I never did that. You know I always thought that Trump was elected president because of Bravo, and Ryan Seacrest and all those reality show producers. I think they’ve dumbed down this country with those shows with people who were mouthy, tipping tables, saying whatever the hell they wanted to say - all that sh*t. And half of this country that is so f*cking stupid couldn’t turn away from this ‘car crash’ because that is what they were attracted to. And of course too, the underlying systemic racism that has just been here forever.” 

Do you have hope for the future? 

“I would love to know, why don’t you call me from the grave.” 

Oh c’mon now. Staying dark though, what is your biggest fear? 

“Death, sickness, and losing Jerry.” 

What about some of your biggest joys in life? 

“Watching a great film or piece of theatre. Food, and my husband Jerry. That’s it. Sex. Food. Porn.” 

The title of this article should be “Mario Cantone: a simple man with simple fears and pleasures - just wanting to get by like everyone else.”

“Mhm, it’s true. I don’t want to be a big star. I don’t think I ever wanted to be. I think I thought I did but the fact I didn’t become one, I think I subconsciously didn’t want it. I see all the shit that comes at you. I want a comfortable level of fame and I got exactly what I wanted. I can get into the restaurant I want. I can go see a show I want. I am a beggar that’s choosy.” 

So no regrets? 

“Not in show business, but in life I do and we will not be getting into them!” 

Do you have a favorite quote or life motto? 

“I can buy the hooker but I can’t be one.” 

Who’s quote is that? 

“Mine. That’s going on my gravestone!”

Well it is always just the best to catch up, and shoot the sh*t with you my friend. I am ending these conversations with the same question: what is one thing you wish more people knew?

“About me?”

However you would like to answer it. 

“Well I wish more people knew about the level of racism they have within their hearts so that they could fix it, and learn from it, and work on it. Cause everybody’s got it.”

“I also wish these producers would know that the ‘followers’ and ‘likes’ are bullshit. Producers are getting younger and younger and they care about it but it should mean nothing. It is like having more money so you can pay for NYU instead of getting the really talented student who needs the scholarship. Stuff like that is going away slowly.” 

I couldn’t agree more. Now I am curious though, how would you answer it for yourself? 

“I want people to know that I climbed my way to the middle, stayed there, and I am really, really good with it.” 

I’m glad you are, you should be proud. There is nobody I know who has stayed so true to themselves. Love you Mario. 

–

By Chris MacDonald

Edited by Conor Golden

The Chico Club is a collective of reflections, ideas, and dialogues - shared with a purpose. The goal is to open our minds, hearts, and conversations, and embrace that we are all “still learning.”